The holiday season is a time of celebration, togetherness, and—let’s be honest—sometimes a bit of chaos. For co-parents, the holidays can bring additional challenges. Managing complicated schedules, coordinating plans, and even spending time away from children on special days can seem unbearable this time of year. With some preparation, open communication, and a little flexibility, however, it’s possible to create a joyful and memorable season for everyone involved—especially the children.
Whether this is your first holiday season as co-parents or you’re seasoned pros looking for new strategies to relieve the added stress, here are some tips to help make the holidays merry and bright for your family.
One of the best ways to avoid conflict during the holidays is to have a plan in place well in advance. Be sure to reread carefully the provisions of your custody settlement agreement or court order which specifically state who has the children for the holidays. If possible, set some time aside to discuss schedules, holiday traditions, and logistics with your co-parent. Here are some key points to consider:
Keep in mind that flexibility is key. While having a plan is essential, be prepared for some last-minute adjustments if needed. Life is unpredictable, and being open to change can go a long way in reducing holiday stress.
Communication can make or break any co-parenting relationship, especially during the holidays. Keep each other informed about any changes in schedules or events. Texts, emails, and co-parenting apps can be helpful tools to stay organized and avoid misunderstandings.
Try to keep your communication positive and child-focused. Even if you and your co-parent don’t always see eye-to-eye, maintaining a respectful tone helps keep things civil and centered on what’s best for the kids. Remember that any animosity between you and your co-parent will be felt by the children and weigh on you during the holidays.
The holiday season should be magical for children, filled with joy, love, and fun traditions. As co-parents, it’s crucial to remember that your kids’ happiness should come first, even if that means making some personal sacrifices.
One of the great things about co-parenting is the opportunity to start new traditions with your kids. Maybe you’ll bake cookies together, have a movie marathon, or decorate the house in a unique way. Building fresh memories can create joy and excitement for the children and helps them focus on the fun of the holidays rather than any family transitions.
If you and your co-parent have an amicable relationship, consider creating a holiday tradition that includes both of you. Some co-parents find that celebrating together for an hour or two—like a quick gift exchange or shared holiday breakfast—adds a special touch. However, if celebrating together isn’t feasible or comfortable, creating separate traditions can work just as well.
The holidays can be emotional and stressful, and it’s essential to take care of yourself too. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with family or friends and give yourself the time and space you need to recharge. Here are a few self-care ideas:
Gift-giving is another area that can benefit from a little coordination. Talk with your co-parent about holiday gifts to avoid duplicates and balance the budget. This conversation doesn’t need to be extensive—just a quick rundown of who’s buying what can help ensure everyone’s on the same page.
If you’re on good terms with your co-parent, consider going in on a few “big” gifts together. This can simplify things and let you share the joy of giving without competition.
The holiday season can stir up a lot of emotions, especially if you’re recently separated or divorced. It’s perfectly normal to feel a mix of sadness, relief, joy, and even loneliness. Be gentle with yourself and remember that co-parenting is a learning process. You and your co-parent may not get everything right every time, but that’s okay. What matters most is that you’re both trying.
If you can, extend grace to your co-parent too. Everyone is dealing with their own challenges, and a little kindness goes a long way, especially around the holidays. Setting aside personal differences, even for just a few weeks, can make the holiday season a positive experience for everyone.
Co-parenting during the holidays can be challenging, but with a spirit of collaboration, respect, and a focus on the kids, it’s possible to create a joyful season that everyone can enjoy. Remember, the holidays aren’t about perfection—they’re about making memories and celebrating in whatever way works best for your family. Here’s to a season full of warmth, laughter, and shared love. Happy holidays to all co-parents and the families they cherish!
Atty Bruggemann, Esq.
Author