We're stepping into the time of year where, even though everything should be winding down, this accelerated pace seems to come with the holiday season. Especially as parents, we step into the role of magic makers. We're wrapping gifts. We're attending school events. We're hiding a mischievous elf in random parts of the house.
So when do we take a moment to pause and check in with ourselves amid all the holiday hubbub?
I spent a long time believing that "checking in" meant grabbing my phone and checking email, starting to scroll, or texting friends back. There is always something to check, and I think it's easy to reach for the phone before anything else.
It wasn't until I started cultivating a regular discipline of unplugging to be more present that I realized that I wasn't checking in with myself; I was looking for any excuse I could to check out.
I was checking out because it felt easier than turning inward.
I was checking out because I felt overstimulated and overwhelmed.
I was checking out because—let's just be honest—parenting (and being a human being in general) can feel so hard sometimes, and I felt like I deserved a little escape.
If you feel that way too, let me be the first to tell you: you're not alone. It's common to want to check out over checking in—consciously or unconsciously. I hope these words will help guide you toward the gift of checking in with yourself this holiday season and beyond.
Consider it a pulse check—a moment or two in the day's chaos where you can stop, recenter, and gather the strength to move forward. I've learned to lace my days with these little checkpoints—simple ways that I prioritize taking care of myself while taking care of others. It's not about adding more to your plate but finding moments in your existing routine to pause and breathe.
The International Journal of Behavioral Medicine reported that just 10-15 minutes of self-reflection daily can increase overall wellbeing by 32%.
And here's the good part: you don't need to carve out a solid 15 minutes to experience those benefits. Having bite-sized check-ins throughout your day that fit into what you are already doing is enough to start experiencing the rewards of checking in.
On the note of bite-sized, I knew that checking in throughout the day would never coincide with some extensive meditative practice or a quiet space to journal for an hour. That would be lovely, but it's not always practical.
I had to start smaller or knew the check-ins would not happen.
I started by making a list of things that brought me joy and then, from that list, finding ways to incorporate them into my daily rhythms as a working mom and wife.
For me, checking in means making a cup of tea or lighting a candle. It also means filling a pitcher of water and placing it on the counter as a reminder to hydrate and take care of myself.
Checking in means buying healthier snack options to nourish myself instead of always eating off my kid's plate. Sometimes, checking in means simply stepping outside into the sunlight rather than grabbing my phone.
Make it easy. Make it joyful. Make it repeatable. That's my running motto.
Right now, checking in within our home looks like this gratitude wall we started making in our kitchen. Throughout the day, we take a slip of paper, write something we're thankful for, and stick it on the wall. Seeing the gratitude piling up as I open the door to the pantry feels like a moment to pause—a much-needed check-in—within this life we're building together.
There are times throughout our busy lives when checking into apps is necessary and efficient. But I also think we can cross a line at some point (or at least I did) where it wasn't that I had anything to check; it was just that I didn't want to check in with myself.
When I reached the end of the day, and the baby was down, I only wanted to check out. While watching a new Netflix show or scrolling TikTok can seem to provide a mental break and entertainment, I realized it never actually improved my mood or made me feel better. If anything, spending night after night doing activities that weren't fulfilling to me made things worse. So, I started to seek out soul chargers over soul drainers.
Here are some better (but still easy) forms of checking in. I use this menu when my brain is tired after a long day. These are, indeed, soul chargers:
The more I've incorporated these little rhythms of checking in and being present with myself, the more fulfilled and joyful I've felt—no matter the curve balls that life throws my way.
As someone who coaches others on the power of self-discipline and creating life-giving habits, I know the barrier that stands in the way for almost all of us: we're so used to checking in on everyone else that checking in with ourselves falls to the wayside.
Trust me; I know how easy it is to claim there's no time to check in or that something or someone else is more important.
The irony is that the people and responsibilities we prioritize over our well-being are the ones who feel the strain most when we're running on empty. I want to give my loved ones the best version of myself, and I know that can't happen if I never factor in my well-being.
Today, I'll step in as the friend you might need to tell you that you are worth checking in with. Whether it's five minutes or the chance to breathe before the baby wakes up, you are worth checking in with yourself. Just like you'd make and keep a date with a friend, you are worthy of that same intentionality and kindness.
Author Anne Lamott writes, "Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you."
So breathe. Take a moment. Check in.
I have a feeling everything will operate a little smoother because of it.
Hannah Brencher
Author